Buck's Super Stereo World

viva la wiktionary

2008-08-19T14:41:00.001-04:00

quick poll:

is it a little sad that upon realizing that wikipedia has a sister site dictionary, i looked up this?

Historical Perspective

2008-08-14T11:40:00.004-04:00

There's a great pictorial retrospective about football video games over at si.com today.

I really miss those days. Especially in today's world of having to read defenses, call out hot routes and wait 5 minutes while some douche you're playing in orange county changes matchups. That's right, Z, I'm calling you out.

And no matter what happened afterwards, I still threw for 80 touchdowns one year. 80 TDs.

i don't know who did it...

2008-08-11T22:30:00.004-04:00

....but i love the fact that someone gifted Barbie a huge phallic cucumber.

really?

2008-08-08T11:03:00.002-04:00

I don't get this.

Six Flags Magic Mountain is putting in a CSI themed live entertainment show. I understand the need for shows...its a way to corral 500-1000 park guests at a time out of the lines in the park and offer a place to cool down, and depending on the show quality, provide a little entertainment. But CSI?

Its certainly a popular TV show still, but building a theme park show around the idea is just ridiculous. With ideas like this, its no wonder Six Flags' stock price is under $2 and in threat of being dropped by the NYSE.

my wishlist

2008-08-01T11:14:00.003-04:00

just in case anyone out there wants to buy me something, feel free to look up chris currier's wishlist at amazon.com.

wait a minute. although i am a corset and lingerie type of man, that's not me. i swear!

back to life, back to reality

2008-07-16T23:24:00.002-04:00

why didn't i think of this?

thanks to two good friends for nudging me back into blogging. fuckers.

and special thanks to Soul II Soul for a great song that just keeps on giving.

why i got into advertising

2007-12-19T22:57:00.000-05:00

two classic pieces of ad history. i remember seeing these and thinking that's what i wanted, no....needed, to do with my life.

great holiday gift

2007-12-06T11:03:00.000-05:00

i only wish i had a fire pit.

son of a bitch

2007-11-07T22:58:00.000-05:00

looks like mr. hewson and the boys will be getting more of my money.

box set of the tree, with a disk of b-sides & out takes (many of which i already have) will be had. mainly for the concert dvd. kind of sad in a way. i have a the album already, have 3 dvds of concerts/videos already, yet don't often put them in the player. its just the collector in me. i almost said completest, but i didn't succumb to the pressure of buying u218. i couldn't bring myself to buy another greatest hits collection. oh well.

what the hell is this?

2007-10-19T21:35:00.000-04:00

anyone seen that yoplait commercial? its the one with CGI germs jumping out of a yogurt cup, dancing around to a wonderful v/o saying that each cup of yogurt has plenty of plenty of live and active cultures to keep us happy and healthy.

fuck that. seeing this is like seeing the guy behind the counter at mcdonalds sneezing while making my quarter pounder with cheese.

i know that yogurt has active cultures. i don't need to be reminded that i occasionally ingest this gross crap. come to think of it, i doubt i'll ever have another thing of yogurt.

give me dannon any day with their classic CGI tape measure shrinking the cup. that's proper use of computer animation.

fuckin' a

2007-10-18T09:45:00.000-04:00

i knew that my foul mouth had a place in the real world.

decisions, decisions

2007-10-09T18:33:00.000-04:00

has anyone heard about the new radiohead record? they're doing an awesome thing....album isn't out until early december. their last 3 albums have been subject to theft and available for download prior to release.

so what do they do? they offer it online themselves. the record company has got to be pissed. artists make about 20 cents on the dollar of every album sold. they make nothing on illegal downloads. they make about 50-60 cents on the dollar for every ticket sold. this plan is awesome for them, shitty for the record companies. radiohead releases something that will get leaked anyway with a "pay what you want" mentality. get people into the new stuff and excited for the upcoming tour. they'll likely make more money in the end.

so, in poking around their site....it truly is pay what i want. do i cheapskate it and put in practically nothing? or do i pay what i think it is worth to have (10 bucks USD)? hell....if i wanted, i'm sure i could just wait a day and it will be out on my torrent site that i frequent. i feel that as a fan i owe them something. but for me....i'd rather have the packaging so i'll wait for dec to give them their money (pre-orders of the disc on their site is 40 pounds UK!)

this seems a little sad

2007-10-05T09:44:00.000-04:00

as part of my day, i get a regular update from IAAPA (international association of amusement parks and attractions). good update for the most part, except the news tends to be a day late, 50% of the news is about parks in Asia and/or Europe (it is an international association after all) and about 75% of them talk about ride incidents (i don't dare say accidents).

today's update had the headline United States Zoos Named as Best Spots for Wildlife Photography

wouldn't actually going out into the wild be the best spot? sure, it cites a photography magazine as the content source and i'm sure not everyone has the budget to send people traipsing about the outback, desert or jungle to get a perfect shot, but its sad to herald a zoo as a good place for getting pictures of animals. it is logical since they are there, but there's no adventure to it.

new wiki

2007-10-04T21:46:00.000-04:00

i've been seeing banner ads for a website called john q tv, dubbed "media for men." i get served these practically every other night as i spend an hour downloading the latest and greatest comics torrents on demonoid. there was one tonight that showed a woman with a great set of tits, so i said hey...i gotta check it out. in poking around the sight (apparently paid membership for the good stuff (i.e. tits), i came across a write up for Wired magazines new wiki on how to's.

tries way too hard to be maxim magazine with stuff like "how to cyber stalk," "how to replace your iPod's battery" and other stuff.

i realized that it blows when i came across this. i discount this because the douche of a man i called my boss at a previous agency actually tried to describe this philosophy to me before.

okay...so the practice seems logical in a biz dinner meeting setting. but that guy was still a total dbag.

my inner child

2007-10-02T22:12:00.000-04:00

i couldn't be happier right now. i just came across this wonderful trivia game that took me back to my collecting fetish from the 80's.

this of course made me check youtube for some quality vids. i love this one..

ABC's new Wednesday lineup

2007-09-26T22:35:00.000-04:00

this is easily the best thing about wednesday nights with suzanne at the controls of the TV.

neil dubo can go fuck himself

2007-09-25T10:01:00.000-04:00

i can't believe this article on cricket landed on the front page of the NY Times website today.

i haven't even read the damn thing. i just saw the headline and was forced to think about that cocksucker and his love of rape stands.

happy fucking birthday

2007-09-18T11:59:00.000-04:00

what a great town i live in. i'm thankful that the great think that is CMU sent out this press release....

:-) Emoticon Celebrates 25th Anniversary In Pittsburgh

Twenty-five years ago, three keystrokes -- a colon followed by a hyphen and a parenthesis -- were first used as a horizontal "smiley face" in a computer message by Carnegie Mellon University professor Scott E. Fahlman, the university said.

To mark the anniversary Wednesday, Fahlman and his colleagues are starting an annual student contest for innovation in technology-assisted, person-to-person communication. The Smiley Award, sponsored by Yahoo Inc., carries a $500 cash prize.

crazy ass vid

2007-08-25T22:18:00.000-04:00

with this having been viewed 15 million times, there's a chance that many of you have seen this already. crazy video from the bush. if you don't want to watch all 8 minutes, here's the gist. lions attack buffaloes. they get a calf near the water. an alligator also attacks trying to get a piece. alligator loses out. whole fucking herd of 'loes come back and kick some shit. calf walks away.

run for the border

2007-08-20T22:22:00.000-04:00

this was on the news tonight. pretty funny stuff. funny enough that i wish we would have thought about it back when we killed hours of time hanging out at taco hell.

Public Safety Announcement Creative Brief (or PSA if you're in the biz)

2007-08-17T11:30:00.001-04:00

Background:
Often times when walking in public, you will see a woman who is clearly wearing a thong. Recent fashion trends allow women to show off the top of their underwear above a pair of low riding pants/jeans (usually a thong is more visually pleasing, but not all instances are thongs). Another thing seen from time to time is women wearing thongs while wearing skirts/dresses to avoid disastrous panty lines. While doing this is understandable, there's no reason to wear a dark thong under a light colored skirt (unless you're hot...read on for explanation). Sometimes seeing said underwear on women is a good thing. Many times it is just wrong. By classic standards, younger women (we'll call them 18-35) and weighing 100 - 135 pounds, working to pull this off is acceptable. The ones classified as wrong are usually older* and carry a bit more weight*.

* On rare occasions, older women are capable of pulling this off, but their asses must still be tight. Concurrently, taller women (6 ft or higher) may stretch the upper limits of the weight limit, but they too must remain as they say, "smokin," to be able to pull off a thong.

Message Takeaway
If you're old or heavy, do not show off your thong.

Mandatories:
Call to action: Call (800) NO THONG for more information.
Ad Council logo.

===============

Please see your account service team with any comments, questions or concerns.

interesting test

2007-08-15T17:28:00.001-04:00

so i just got back from taking a whiz in the office restroom. while doing so, i came across a urinal in which somebody had spit their gum.

if someone were to try to find the culprit and had their handy dna testing kit readily available, would he/she be able to secure the dna of the person from the spit in the chewed up gum? or would the piss overpower said any usable evidence in the ABC gumwad? would someone falsely accuse me for littering when all i'm guilty of is taking a piss on the previously placed gum?

loose stool

2007-08-14T07:54:00.000-04:00

as i'm going to bed last night, i see this commercial for kellogg's all bran....

it made me laugh out loud. the art director and copywriter must have had a field day selling this spot. cereal advertising, for the most part, is dry, boring and safe. (kids cereal advertising is not boring to a 6 year old). for this team to get the action at the 17sec and 24sec marks is pure magic. kudos to them.

am i somehow clairvoyant?

2007-08-13T21:31:00.000-04:00

holy shit! with rove stepping down, it seems as if i knew something when i added my little tribute to the stupidity that was the MC Rove video in my links.

i just got back in town from a trip to st. louis to surprise my middle bro for his birthday. great time. if and when i have time, i'll add a post of the highlights. it may end up being a better post for keira's site.

random bookmarks

2007-08-04T22:01:00.001-04:00

some of these make sense...others leave me speechless as to why i ever thought to take the 1.8 seconds to bookmark them. here is but a sampling of crap i've chosen to bookmark at some point over the past decade (yes...i've taken my bookmarks with me from job to job, city to city).

http://www.heyou.net/archives/3.htm
http://www.thudguard.com/index.html
http://www.tieguide.com/tie.htm
http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/recipes
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BgUnYzXU-Fo
http://www.careerbuilder.com/monk-e-mail/
http://www.npr.org/programs/specials/lists/sedaris/
http://www.rathergood.com/
http://www.pameganslaw.state.pa.us/EntryPage.aspx
http://fatherhood.org/
http://gamescene.com/Dogs_Playing_Poker.html
http://www.flipflopflyin.com/minipops/
http://www.time.gov/timezone.cgi?Eastern/d/-5/java
http://www.maryquits.com
http://compnetworking.about.com
http://www.linksys.com/
http://greenmountaincoffee.com/

is it too late.....

2007-08-04T21:54:00.000-04:00

...to get in on this action?

dane cook is no don cheadle

2007-08-01T22:26:00.000-04:00

so the past two nights i've been watching the giants games so i can see bonds tie and then break hammerin' hank's record. since i don't watch baseball as regularly as others, i'm just now seeing those awful dane cook commercials hyping the playoffs. i'll be glad when barry hits his dongs so i won't have to be subjected to those fucking things every commercial pod. that's the problem with buying cable advertising. because cable ratings are for shit, you have to buy practically every break to get any resemblance of ratings points to cume up to something worth while. (don't worry....i'll get off my advertising soapbox and return to dick jokes next time out.)

breaking news....buddy bell just announced he's stepping down as the royal's skipper at the end of the season. wasn't that may 12th for them? oh well, maybe the KC big wigs will bring back tony muser.

"there's no cover charge for the high life." what a great fucking line.

facelift

2007-07-30T22:42:00.000-04:00

i solely changed the look of this site because i've grown tired of my buddy's site looking the same. by no means does this mean that i'll be more frequent with posting my thoughts/goings on. i just grew tired of my highbrow content looking like the junk these guys regularly poop out.

worst. night. ever.

2007-07-26T21:26:00.000-04:00

i made a silly decision today. one of the benefits of being a regular at my local comic book shop is that the owner frequently offers me passes for two free tickets to various movies. most of the time, they're for 1) movies i'm not really dying to see, 2) at a location around town that's not that convenient or 3) offered for a day when i'm expecting to travel.
so last week when he offered up his last pass to pittsburgh's premiere of the simpsons movie tonight, i was very elated. sold. done. i'm going. right?

no.

even as last as 5pm tonight i was going. it was a 7:30 show at the theater i always frequent (if the only theater i've gone to for the past 3 movies i've seen equates to "frequent") and i knew for a fact that i'd be in town.

we didn't get a sitter. suze never really committed because her sister is in town from rochester, ny. and as i've alluded to before, i don't really have any friends here in the steel city.

damn. it's 9:30. i'd be on my home now thinking how great a time i had. even if it was by myself.

doh!

secured network?

2007-07-23T22:05:00.000-04:00

my boss scared the shit out of me today. he's been a big muckity muck here is pittsburgh for some time. he's so damn smart....probably the smartest man i've ever worked for. he has the innate ability to bring forth all kinds of data points to support his statements, its crazy. he's extremely well read, so nobody questions any of his points. very professorial in nature. i really enjoy talking with him about just about anything.

except today he told me of a conversation he had over the weekend with one of his CMU buddies. CMU is one of the best tech schools out there, or at least the word on the street here in the 'burgh says so. his buddy is telling him....which he now tells me....that nobody should ever do online banking and such on a wireless network. secured or otherwise. apparently, when one has the desire and knowledge, they can look into all kinds of shit. now....this guy is some kind of supernerd. but by just grabbing one nugget from my bosses machine (remotely at that), this guy was then able to check the credit lines on several credit cards, his money market account numbers, the names of his daughter's friends that had logged onto the net using his network and a ton more. i don't think that's any news to anyone. it wasn't news to me. it just scared me because i know that we do a lot of online banking. i fucking hate stamps.

but this news hit me on the right day i suppose. i've had a network for some time, but never really took many steps to secure it. i once heard that there's basic protection in wireless routers anyway so i took comfort in that. i did very limited stuff like personalized my network name and changed the password to the router itself. but i never fucked with any of those foreboding acronyms like WPA vs. WEP, SSID and all that subset masking shit.

so as soon as we put the little one down tonight, i jumped onto the linksys website for a little tutorial. i managed to get through all the steps, despite my router being kind of old. what can i say...it was free so i can't really knock on it. i did learn that i can't enable WPA because my wireless-b doesn't support it. i'm considering upgrading.

first the dash, then the tree-fixin and now this.

booger would be proud.

really?!?!?

2007-07-18T18:01:00.001-04:00

so on my way home last night, i snapped this little picture with my phone. this guy is certainly an early believer in the power of a well spoken jr. senator from the great land of lincoln.

but to order a vanity plate to endorse him? i feel so bad for this guy. i voted anti-bush last time, yet i still feel sorry for those fucks driving around with those kerry/edwards bumper stickers on their car. i guess this is less permanent option with PA allowing the people of the commonwealth to change license plates as they please, but this guy definitely gets my shit for brains award for the summer.

even more of a man

2007-07-15T08:13:00.001-04:00

i'm growing quite the set these days. not only did i make the car repair from the other day, but yesterday consisted of several manly type activities as well. let's assess the level of manliness....

mowed the lawn - tiny nutsack (everyone with a yard does this)

built a new screen window - big nutsack (i don't think many people get into this unless they have to. wait a minute...i had to so should i revise my grade?)

created a device to straighten a crooked tree - huge nutsack (it involved rebar, turnbuckle bolts, a hacksaw and 1/8" wire rope. the use of rebar alone makes the grade, let alone the ingenuity.)

drank beer - basic nutsack (sure, everyone does this too, but do they crush the cans with their hands and throw it onto the neighbor's lawn after each? not in my circles, they don't. but then again, they were my neighbor's beers.)

plans for today????

read comics - i have a vagina and/or my testicles haven't dropped yet.

i wish i were a jew

2007-07-11T21:05:00.000-04:00

however, if i were in fact a jew, then perhaps i wouldn't need to be singing the bar mitzvah song tonight. you see, today i am a man.

i saved at least $100 dollars by doing a car repair myself. my brake lights were all fucked up, staying on 100% of the time. over the past two days, i had to take the fuse out so i wouldn't run down my battery. so, i bought the part and did this shit which included having to take apart my dash, unhook some electric wires and all kinds of crap.

therefore, i am feeling very manly tonight. i guarantee that if the wife weren't already knocked up with number two, my sperm would be firmly planting in an egg this evening.

for your consideration

2007-07-08T23:41:00.000-04:00

i just finished watching christopher guest's latest send-up entitled the same as this post. i considered this thing a pile of poop. i don't know if it was my mood tonight or what, but i just didn't get into. i loved spinal tap, thought guffman was decent, best in show was a hoot and yawned through mighty wind. so, i'm not a huge fan, casual at best. i guess. admittedly, i was a bit distracted...i had to pause it to go move the sprinkler, so maybe that's the culprit. or maybe the three ice cream sandwiches i downed in the first half hour got in the way (complete with three separate trips to the freezer). so who knows. there were parts that i liked....some characters had their moments and there were some fun lines, but i just didn't love it.

oh well. look at this pic:
see that giant fucking egg on this fighter's head? keira had one today. she tripped on some shit on the floor and did a header into the corner of a dresser. i haven't upped the post yet on her site, but there will be one soon. and yes, for you bmore boxing fans, that is one-time heavyweight champ hasim rahman. my dad used to sell him bling. but that was before he got the title. or the egg. fuck....here's another look at it. i think it was holyfield that did that to him.

anyways, as the one that left the shit on the floor that she tripped on, i swear that this is what i saw whenever i looked at her today.

lunchtime d-bags

2007-07-06T13:25:00.000-04:00

funny thing happened this afternoon as i walked around during lunch. on my way to subway, i noted a bunch of people in cubs jerseys. (that's not the funny part, but is related). my office is located in a place called station square which was an attempt at creating a downtown mall out of a cool old space. this use to be the train station for the south side of pittsburgh, so the building was converted to have retail on the ground floor and then a modest office tower of 7 floors was added. it supposedly was cool when it first opened, but in my opinion its devolved into a sad mix of hunt valley mall circa 1997 and baltimore's market place station. dead space during the day, trashy nightlife spot for the suburbians that go into the city for a good time.

part of this complex is a sheraton hotel. which, i guess is nice. it's a sheraton which aren't exactly the best but certainly not the worst. it's downtown and has a good view of the city. so when teams come to town you see a lot of people wearing their jerseys walking this sad little space.

so, i'm walking behind these two total dusches. knowing the place, i figure that they're just getting a jump on that panty sniffing that goes on later in the day here. long sleeve shirts unbuttoned to show some chest fuzz. heads turning to look at just about every female in the joint. it just so happens that we turn a corner and a family of cubs fans start gushing.

holy shit. i'm walking behind some pro ball players. its their second baseman and a starting pitcher. i don't know who the fuck they were and in all honesty, it took me about 5 minutes to scrounge around the cubs website to find them.

what's happened to me? i used to love baseball. i still love the idea of it, but i'm just not into as much. i don't follow shit anymore aside from a little bit of bonds chasing and any updates i may read at F&J.

regardless, if i still were into it, i'd not know who these fucks were. blame it on not ever really being into the NL, blame it on the fact that its hard to recognize people out of context, blame on what you will.

good riddance

2007-07-05T12:18:00.000-04:00

i just had one of my assistant AE's give her two weeks notice. which completely makes me sad.
i wanted to fire the knucklehead a few months ago. however, we are short staffed on our account management team and we needed to find her replacement first. otherwise i'd be stuck trafficking spots out to stations, updating status reports and such. that's not exactly beneath me, but i've been there and done that so to speak. so fuck it....yeah this type of activity belongs to my underlings. not me.

so, in effect i am actually relieved at the news. but i'm pissed too. i wanted to drop her for some time now. she's a bright kid, but just didn't get the details. we actually had to pull her from Cedar Point, our flagship account. she was doing so poorly that the client didn't exactly ask her off the account, but practically jumped through the phone to hug me when i called to let her know about the staff change.

i do think my reaction performance should be up for a SAG Award or something. fuck me if i didn't pull off floored, surprised and shocked. i'm method to the end. deniro can suck it.

thank god almighty

2007-07-03T20:50:00.001-04:00

as of today and after nine years, 11 months and 29 days, my college education is finally paid off. which begs the question...why the hell did it take me so long? i followed the strong advice to pay more than my monthly charge for 7 of those almost 10 years so you'd think that it would've been paid off early. granted, i only paid about 25 bucks more than the due amount per month. but shit, that's gotta impact something right? maybe some of you higher math nerds can help explain why i feel like i got fucked by the man (i'm looking at you ezahn or the dude). (sorry to not single you out lucas as i know you know the answer too, but i called reference to you in my reply to a dzahn post). (and i guess i should apologize to you too john. but you'd just wax poetically with obscure references that are slightly out of my intellectual reach). (does bruceany read these things? he majored in math....i'm sure he's got an opinion too).

(i have smart friends). (and friends with smart siblings).

anyway, i'm glad that my bs in biz admin is finally paid. i guess i did well enough in school. i have two friends i keep in touch with (kind of sad). i have great memories of chopping down campus trees with my $8 machete. and dropping a deuce in the campus fountain. and fucking girls i probably shouldn't have. well okay only one. that's my biggest regret from college. not getting more ass. i passed on so much it's just sad. and what did that do for me? granted, i have a great family now, but boy i wish i had more memories of kicking chix to the curb or doing the walk of shame back to the dorm. wait...i'm a guy. that wouldn't be in shame would it? wouldn't i be giving people high fives on the way back to my house because i had been nutsack deep in beaver mere moments ago? anyway, huge regret that my score card isn't as high as it could've been. oh well...i caught a fish this big too. honest.

speaking of regrets, lately i'm starting to feel bad that i cheated on a final. i think watching school ties with the wife made me scrape that memory from the depths of the psyche. it was so dumb. there was this dumb jock ballplayer on my floor that needed help, grabbed it and talked me into it. i'm such a sheep. i didn't even need to. i guess that's just rationalization.

damn...did i just pay off a decade worth of regrets?

please note the little g in my post title. i'm not a believer. fuck him. unless He reads this. then i'm just confused. praise jesus.

oh joyous day

2007-06-30T07:58:00.001-04:00

after 5+ years of using an old hand-me-down piece of shit that my dad gave me when i moved to harrisburg, i am spending my hard yet well-earned casheesh on a new trimmer.

okay, so it's not really my own money. i cashed in some reward points to get sears gift cards. and although i do occasionally use my AMEX for things like comics, starbucks and the like to keep the woman off my back, the resounding bulk of the items used to wrack up points are my travel expenses. at the shitty rate of dollars-to-points, i figure that this just about equals a shoot in LA (quick trip so no crazy dinners in malibu, but at least a nice one in santa monica), several trips to sandusky, ohio which means we're eating at the bay harbor for about 750 a pop....

sorry for the interruption, but i've been in the bay harbor probably about 25 times over the past 2 seasons and that is the first time i have ever seen an african american couple there. i don't know if this is either 1) an attempt to say they're culture friendly for a restaurant that is nestled snuggly near a marina that houses massive power and sailing boats on lake erie, or 2) a picture taken in a holy shit moment as evidence that other races do, in fact, exist.

back to the laundry list of travel expenses. or not. after my sidebar, it's better to just stop. i think i'm indicting my clients.

it's gates' world, we just rent space

2007-06-29T15:31:00.000-04:00

has anyone seen this shit yet? it is the new crazy digital surface from microsoft. it's fairly cool. but to us geeks that grew up watching star trek, this is nothing new. god that show was amazing.

i saw this two days ago and yet i'm still not that excited about it. especially today on iphone day. its funny how apple teased this new dohicky for 6 months, building demand for a product that most likely will take a few years to get the kinks out and then grabbed onto by the masses. yet, gates and his crew, who own marketshare simply by having strong agreements with computer manufacturers, feels no need to market this yet. sure, its' expensive as shit and not really able to be used in the household right now, but it sure is cool to think about the possibilities.

long live and prosper.

what a fucking nerd

2007-06-25T20:46:00.001-04:00

i just checked and i have 28.1 gigs of pirated comic books (think original napster, just with a different subject matter). i'm such a goddamn collector that i just grab shit for the sake of saying i have it. i've read maybe a fifth of that amount (one issue amounts to about 16MB of data). and saying i have it? what the hell is that? what is it about a person that is compelled to save things? i have 4 boxes of baseball cards downstairs. my g.i.joes from when i was a kid. i know somewhere around the house, i have samples of every business card i've had over the past 10 years. shit...i once even had multiple cd's of downloaded porn floating around*. about 5 boxes of paper comix sit downstairs, each issue nicely sealed in their little plastic condoms so the air doesn't get to them. what the fuck is that all about? i'm never going to sell them....why the hell do i need to preserve them? and half the comix i buy i'd never go back and read...hence the pirated downloading thing. i cleaned out a desk drawer at the office today to find every fucking review i've ever had. why the hell would i bring that shit with me from job to job? i seem to remember at the time thinking i should keep a review around so i could go back to it later and see if i'm progressing like some shitstain of a boss in 1999 thought i should. (funny, i actually did that today, i guess).

anyway, i was having issues with my computer being uncharacterisitically slow so i was poking around at potential problems. i noticed the sheer amount of comix i have. almost half my fucking hard drive is full of comix and with all the work programs and files and shit i have less that a gig of harddrive space. jesus. no wonder it takes me longer to download a 6M .mov file of a commercial than it did just 3 months ago.

i think the biggest conclusions that should be drawn from this are:

1) pittsburgh has beaten any signs of a real life out of me.
(note....this point was much more compelling before i edited out a section at having no friends)

2) my political minded friends from flotsam & jetsam should be scared that i'm an active voter.

*who the fuck am i kidding...i still have all that porn. it's just compiled on dvd-r's now.

giving up

2007-06-23T07:30:00.000-04:00

at what point in one's life do you look at your wardrobe and choose to put on a blouse with puppy dogs on it?

yesterday, i had the pleasure of taking an elevator ride with a middle aged woman in such a shirt. i'm absolutely amazed by it. is she still getting dressed by her mother?

it may be hard to believe, but that was not the highlight of my week.

that came in the form of a trade proposal for Kings Dominion we were pitched by 92Q in baltimore. that station is a little urban, by the way. they came to us with a great idea of having a call and win promo. pretty typical and standard right? they even cited an excellent opportunity in the marketplace that works perfect for kings dominion....50 Cent recently dropped new song out Amusement Park.

not a 50 fan? not familiar with his new single? i submit the following video for your viewing pleasure. in case you don't feel like checking it out, here is the first few lines of the hook:

"Shawty you don't have to take your pantys off. Just move 'em to the side.
If you wanna ride on the roller coaster, baby come on and ride."

My clients were thrilled with the notion. how often do you get to connect your product with an A-list artist?

i'm back, bitches

2007-06-18T16:57:00.001-04:00

although i have literally nothing to say, i am back. not with abandon just yet. but at least i figured out what the hell i did a few months ago with that whole google account transfer junk. what bs. is google the new MS? do i have to hate them now?

father's day was alright. my mom-in-law created a silly ass tie for me to wear. oh wait....it was from keira. to show my disdain for it by wearing it all day. somehow, that backfired and it came off as geniune appreciation. fuck.

the wife was cute and bought me a comic book. i didn't have the heart to tell her that i'd already read the collection. she does get major points for trying so i couldn't bust her chops with it. just the mental image of seeing her stare at a wall of crap she utterly hates trying to figure out which one to get is pretty funny to me.

i still kind of feel on the fence about the US Open.....

- i feel like an asshole because i grabbed tix from Ezahn and then didn't use them.
- i still owe him the cash so i feel even worse.
- as i watched the final holes play out, i felt like even more of an ass because i should've been there in person. oh well, there's always next year! fuck.

parting thought for the day.....my daughter called a neighbor kid a dickhead. in the correct context. beautiful.

its been 5 minutes....

2007-02-27T21:38:00.000-05:00

and i'm already loving this fucking show.

foxworthy aside, i love the concept. i'm fucking smarter than a 5th grader. i loved that grade. i would kick so much ass on this.

whiz kid donnie smith was one of the best parts of magnolia and for it take this long to come up with a game show that mimics that storyline is actually a little depressing.

dammit....it happened again.

2007-02-15T23:02:00.000-05:00

so i know that pitchers and catchers report soon. which for me, means that its time to get back into baseball for a few months until the royals are 15 games out by the end of the first month of the season. i don't pay much attention to the hot stove because quite frankly, it never really keeps me warm. i can't get excited with all the off season talk when there's virtually zilch to talk about with the royals.

case in point. granted, with all the work that i fell into last year, my usual casualness of keeping an eye on the team fell way off. but there are literally 3 names in the article that i recognized. what a pathetic fan i've become. i should just switch over to the p-rats from pimptown.

but then i read this.

what better way to bring me back in! i've been clammoring for this since the mid 90's.

beer ape

2007-01-18T22:04:00.000-05:00

anyone seen the rolling rock outdoor boards apologizing for the beer ape commercial? i decided to check it out.

i'm offended at how lame this fucking thing was. lame use of traditional media to push a supposedly viral piece of advertising. the only thing viral about this is the feeling like i need to crap after having been exposed to this.

even though i'm utterly repulsed by this sorry attempt at being hip and underground, i had to see what happened when you complained. so they send you this fucking email....

and of course, i had to follow up and see the fucker's blog. now, all i've done is added to the goddamn click-thru rate that some fucking marketing schmuck will surely deem as a success.

for as much as i love my job, i really hate advertising at times.

oh whoa is me

2007-01-12T23:10:00.000-05:00

for those of you that remember my OCMD trip, or at least the parts where i wasn't liquored up enough to flash the ole' polynesian canoe to a nice family a few foursomes back, you may remember me complaining of a backache.

turns out i had reason to complain. sometime in july or august (i sure as shit can't remember when it first started to hurt), but i herniated a fucking disk in my lumbar. what the fuck is that? i'm fucking 32 years old. and i have a goddamn broken back? jesus christ i'm falling apart.

its gotten better since then, so its not as though i've been in agonizing pain. but it turned up in an mri and i was referred to a fucking nuerosurgeon. can you fucking believe that shit? the good news is that i don't need surgery...i just need to take better care of myself and watch out for efforts of heavy lifting. at least the prescribed remedy has somehow congealed nicely with my lifelong aversion to manual labor.

i feel old. hammy issues since my early 20's (maybe earlier i can't remember). fucking kidney stones since mid 20's. i have hair growing out of my fucking ears. at least my head hair is holding up....my family has a history of recession, so i'm sure its going to start going soon. at least for that, i can just cover up with a massive comeover from my back.

maybe things are looking up for me, after all!

fuck this guy

2007-01-10T23:42:00.000-05:00

anyone who knows me knows that i've had a 15-20 year hatred of ripken. but you know what? this little snippet officially killed that...

(from espn.com)
Gwynn worried that he might get 100 percent.

"For the last month, I think, that's all I could think about, hoping that I didn't get near that number," he said. "We've never had one, and so I sure didn't want to be that guy who was closest."

what the fuck is that? gwynn was actually fucking concerned of being a unanimous electee into the HOF? what a dick.

i wish this fucker still played. talk about instand hatred. gwynn was absolutely off my radar for his entire career. the padres? come on. this prick was so goddam vanilla, its ridiculous. sure, he flirted with 400 a time or two, but shit....he didn't storm out of the dugout trying to kill an ump or fuck up the yanks a few years with upper deck bombs in the late 70s playoffs. this makes me much more proud to be a brett fan to see this gwynn shithead got less percentage than mr. pinetar did. goddamn it this is eating on me.

and the sad side effect to this is that it simply puts the headstone on my hatred for rip. i hated him while he played and played and played for the good of him and not the team. but after brady went, and cal himself went and i saw that fucking raffy run-pump train leave bmore, i kind of softened up on them. sure it was funny to see them try to spend money to still finish 4th in the division. but i started feeling sorry for them. and then i essentially leave baseball every april 26th when the royals are 20 games back. so i'm glad rip's in the hall now. maybe i won't have to hear about him again.

but i'm sure as hell going to revive that o's hatred if he takes over for angelos. that would be so delightful to see the ripken front office way fail.

interesting find

2006-12-31T16:43:00.000-05:00

did you know that stephen hawking is british? i had no idea. i guess they don't make electronic boxes that speak in accents.

i found this out by killing time today on wikipedia. still engaged with my recent re-ignation of my personal beatlemania, i was looking at the beatles listing, then reading about each person and saw that lennon was voted 8th of the 100 Greatest Britons as of a 2002 vote.

anyway, it was here that i found out that hawking, ranked 25th, is indeed a brit. it is kind of bullshit that he's ranked higher than beckham. i guess becks would have gotten higher had he not left the premiere league for real madrid. silly limey.

double shot thursday

2006-12-28T09:51:00.000-05:00

1) i'm in love with love

not the sappy, i'm married and have a kid love (that's nice and true and all too, but not exactly the point of this).

i got the Love CD last night from the Beatles and it is absolutely amazing. granted, i'm a big fan of the Fab 4, so there's no surprise there. but this album rocks. if you don't know about it, its more than a greatest hits collection, its the soundtrack from the Cirque show out in vegas and basically is a new take on many songs from the catalog. their long-time producer, george martin, and his son went into the studio and created the soundtrack for the show from all of the original recordings from the 60's. in doing so, they basically created a mash up of their catalog. they took pieces of songs and put them with others to create a new experience.

being 32 and in no way possible to see the Beatles live, i imagine this record presenting how they'd play a live show with great sequeways into songs and subtle differences to them as well. its fantastic and really makes me want to see the vegas show (even though it is people jumping around in tights).

2) my mom-in-law rocks

she really is amazing. she knows that i like comic books and yet doesn't cringe like her husband and daughter do. instead, she embraces it and gives me gifts that feed the inner geek in me. every so often, she'll buy me a book that she's heard about or sees. they're not comics in the true form, but more like literary reviews or history books or such. stuff that i love reading, but honestly would never buy myself. here's a quick breakdown, in case you're interested.

the amazing adventures of cavalier and clay by michael chabon. A great novel that i think won a pulitzer or some other award.

the r. crumb handbook a great autobiography of the cartoon satirist.

the men of tomorrow by gerard jones. a fantastic history of the beginning of comic books.

ultimate spiderman collection ok, so this one is a comic book but it collects three years of ultimate spiderman (an updated take on the classic character created by stan lee in the 60's. it takes the basic truths of the character and sets it in modern times.) its a blockbuster of a comic.

and this year's gift, amazing marvel universe by roy thomas with audio commentaries by stan lee. this gives the history of 50 great moments in marvel history (mostly in the beginning) and has an audio component that lets you hear stan the man's take on things. its a fun read and of all the ones listed here, truly a great find. seeing the audio thing attached to it would have made me steer clear of it thinking that its a beginner's book since it looks like a few books on my daughter's shelf.

who's at fault?

2006-12-01T12:25:00.000-05:00

so on my way back from battle with the county over a tax assessment issue today, i saw an interesting scenario....

- two joggers running in downtown traffic cross a street corner. they are running with traffic, yet the pedestrian signal is clearly red...they're crossing out of turn so to speak.

- one car heading in their direction, starts turning onto the the street in which the runners are crossing

- one of the runners acts all beligerantly - arms flailing, high-pitch screams, etc.

- said runner did have some dandy-fine running shorts. you know, the ones that have a nice slit up the side so you see a little extra leg. however, it was a dude.

- i roll down my window to hear the exchange....hyper running dude says to his running partner, "i would have SO beaten that guys ass if he'd hit me."

so, if a runner would have been hit....would the driver really be at fault since the runners were crossing at a time when the big red hand said not to?

nerd nation

2006-10-13T09:34:00.000-04:00

okay...can all the computer wizards that sometime happen by here tell me how something like this can be utilized in my world?

wee pathetic pburgh

2006-09-29T22:04:00.000-04:00

is it really a news story when jerome bettis makes a guest appearance on NBC's the office?

i really like that show. even as much as the original british one. it actually amazes me that i feel so strongly about it. i was ready to hate it. but dammit if i don't like it now. hell, you might even say that i love it.

but back to my rant. really? its that fucking slow of a newsday that they cover the fact that the bus was on the show? i can't fucking believe it.

and back to my love of the show. does anyone know any details about the folks from wernham hogg meeting the guys in scranton? i saw a brief snippet about it in entertainment weekly and i'm all kiddy.

balls out

2006-09-19T10:36:00.000-04:00

i hadn't really thought of this part of my past behavior until i got this silly little notice in my email this morning.

but did i actually create the balls out shot at jon's bachelor party? for some unknown reason (heavy drinking perhaps?), i was standing at the bar with my nutbag hanging out of my fly. when it came time for the next round of shots, i think i said that we should all do it. and i seem to remember that, for the most part, we all did. or at least my buddy derek and i did.

that can't be the first time ever that a group of hetero guys took a shot of booze with their apple bags hanging out for show, was it?

dry heat my ass

2006-09-05T21:29:00.000-04:00

so last week, i was sent to sunny arizona to oversee a shoot. i'd say commercial shoot, but technically we were filming an online movie for a top secret project for my client for next season. i'd say what it was all about, but i'm sworn to secrecy. honest. maybe i can link this to the press release on thursday, but until then, mum's the word.

anyway, it was like 110 degrees out there. way too fucking hot. how the hell does anyone live out there? and that whole wild west crap? how in the world did anyone survive that shit? i think i'd try my luck at being a pistolero just in the hope of checking out early.

hell, i'd probably be shot for my hat alone.

immigrants and maggots

2006-08-24T21:07:00.000-04:00

this morning didn't exactly start out all that great, so i wasn't expecting much on the day.

flash back to tuesday and wednesday when the wife complained that the trash stunk. i didn't give it any thought. shit, i said to myself, the fucking garbage guys come on friday, no big deal.

every morning, my daily ritual of getting the baby into the car involves:

- letting her walk around in the garage while i put her lunch and my briefcase in the car.

- asking her/yelling at her to not play in the kitty litter/oil clean up pile that's been around for two months.

- chasing her down - and then back up - the driveway

- trying to bribe her into the car by basically acting as a pimp with such things like "brian's going to be there...you like brian." or "get in the car before daddy has to choke a bitch."

- and then finally getting her in the car by promising that elmo's in there. its absolutely crazy how that little red fucker dominates her world.

so today, i happened to really look at the garbage. what a fucking idiot. not only did i completely puss out at finding a picture that more adequately represented the putrid i had to clean this morning, for some stupid reason i didn't exactly think that beer can chicken carcass and bbq rib debris would attract those squirmy little rice fuckers. stupid.

at least i only had to work a couple of hours. i already had the afternoon off to go see yet another doctor. i haven't exactly been posting (bitching) about all my shit lately, but i went to a specialist to tell me that i don't have the bones of a post menapausal, 65 year old woman afterall like i was told a while back by some quack at a company sponsored health fair.

i should have realized something didn't quite add up when i asked the technician at the time what that meant and i all i got was a 20 second long blank stare followed by a shrug, followed by her handing me the card from her office and suggesting i call to make an appointment. what the fuck, if you're going to send someone to some silly health fair like that and provide screenings that could potentially scare the shit out of people, perhaps a little training of said person would be a good idea. but i do live in pittsburgh. so maybe that's asking a bit much. maybe its PA. whatever.

oh well. when all is said and done, i in fact have a very healthy core. bone-wise that is. i could probably benefit from doing some crunches from time-to-time.

quit wasting my time

2006-08-23T09:41:00.000-04:00

i receive 3 or 4 ad industry e-updates each day. i don't know the exact quantity because for some reason, they all kind of blend together; serving up the same articles and such. or more than likely, i'm too busy (read: too lazy) to look at them.

as i sit here on hold with US Airways (I fucked up my flight to see the folks in December and am trying to fix it), i'm looking at this morning's musings.

and what the fuck did i see? really? i can't believe that some asshole and his organization actually rate advertisers based on their media buying decisions. this fuckhead obviously doesn't get the goal of advertising. WE PUT PRODUCT IN FRONT OF PEOPLE FOR THEIR CONSIDERATION.

so what this dipshit doesn't get is that media buyers make decisions based on the numbers they see as to who's watching what. the shows with the more eyes get more advertising. its that fucking simple. and so now, me as a parent, i'm supposed to get pissed that GM, Glaxo and Target advertise on the shows I'm into? can i just go ahead and make the leap that i'm a bad dad because I like to watch "edgy" stuff.

where is this organization every day when mcdonalds proudly sponsors sesame street? what the fuck. i hate this guy.

so what if occassionally, some clients whine things like "I don't like Howard Stern so we can't advertise on his show." but those clients are assholes. and when it comes down to it, they don't really want to give their company a better chance for purchase when decision time comes. oh well. that client is more than likely based in Harrisburg, PA. which again, screams "assholes."

now mind you, the Parents TV Council doesn't get into the quality of advertising, which is a whole other story. my buddy can comment on that, but let him finish his whiskey first.

youtube phenomenon

2006-08-16T17:43:00.000-04:00

i think i may be a bit slow catching up to the world on this stuff, but i'm having a blast. who doesnt' love great commercial spoofs?

THEY GOT A PEPPER BAR!!!

2006-08-10T13:22:00.000-04:00

if any of you've talked advertising with me over the past few years, you'll know that i loved, loved, loved the quiznos spongemonkeys or whatever the hell they were called.

In this breaking news clip, i find that the semi-cute furballs may have had an ulterior motive.

can it be true? did the mind that okayed the advertising that made me fall in love with the Q actually seek out a little sex with a little girl? damn it. does that mean that i have to hate the Q now? er wait...i already hate that talking baby. but still dig the subs.

so, i'm okay. i guess.

quadruple ace!!!!

2006-08-07T09:10:00.000-04:00

for those that were not around this weekend, lets just put it out there. i stripped in public. full monty on the concourse between the 16th and 17th holes at a putt putt course in OCMD.

there was just cause for it. the much longer story goes simply like this....

- friend puts in his 2nd hole in one in a row.
- i make the bold statement to strip if he sinks a 3rd.
- i hear "currier, you'd better start getting naked."
- i didn't hesitate and in fact proved an earlier statement in the day that i grow and don't show. (that's not to say that i stood there until i got erect so people could see the little guy at attention, i just think that people probably couldn't even see the cock buried amongst my man bush.)

the big headache was how to break it to the wife. she's been around when i made a public spectical of myself before. but all of those times never exactly got to the point where my manhood was on display. well, actually....as a couple, we did play a rousing game of strip cup with 2 other couples. and we did see many a private part. but that was in someone's house and a much smaller, contained group of eyes. with the little kids in the group behind us amongst the strangers that could've seen the schlong, this was obviously a bit different. i knew for sure she wouldn't be all that pleased.

so for a good portion of my drive home, i debated whether i should tell her about it and if so, how. it's not vegas, so ocean city doesn't exactly afford the same lure of crazy stories simply staying as legend and/or heresay. plus, we were going to see the group of people i was with at the time in about a month at a wedding. something like that is bound to come up in the course of conversation. so i had to tell her. but how?

got home. played with the baby a bit. ate dinner. we were both laughing at the baby while i shared different stories from the weekend. she seemed to be in a good mood so i went for it. i took the "i might as well tell you this so it doesn't surprise you next month" approach.

her response? "three in a row is pretty impressive. i'm just glad you didn't get arrested."

very surprising. i thought at least i'd get a little shit for it. i guess that comes when the picture gets released.

i wonder how she'll react when she finds out i did a few shots later that night with my nutbag hanging out of my shorts?

racking my brain

2006-07-24T10:58:00.000-04:00

a few weeks back, i had my six month review. which, if you're familiar with the ad biz, was appropriately timed for my 7 month anniversary. why the fuck are we always late with reviews? not a single agency i've worked for has ever had a review on time.

so the review went fairly well. i knew what was coming...i'm well liked, i'm doing a good job and the 6th month isn't time for position or salary adjustments. so at least i got a free lunch out of it. although it was with my boss who's 2 months older than me, yet 2 levels higher than me by title and therefore infinitely more wise than i'll ever be. so the company could have been better to say the least.

anyway, one of the few negatives i got back has had me scratching my head. my internal communication could be a little more formal. what? i'm not sure what's what. we have 360 degree reviews where everyone but the mentally challenged interns and cleaning staff provide input so i've been trying to figure out who doesn't like me. as i think about it, i do have a tendancy to throw around a few swear words from time-to-time. something like when a very hot ad finally gets approved, i'll type up something like "approved. now get that fucker/bitch/piece of shit out of here!" i think that's pretty par for the course in this line of work. unless you have a stick up your ass.

but emails like that are with my core team. the people i work fairly closely with on a daily basis. the ones i refer to as "motherfucker" or "douchbag" quite often. so they wouldn't ding me for that in a review process would that, would they?

i think i finally figured it out. here's a pic of my bio on our intranet. besides being out of date, do you think it's too informal for the entire company?

good observation skills or latent homesexual tendencies?

2006-06-22T00:10:00.000-04:00

does anyone else giggle to themselves when you see someone that's missed a belt loop?

i pride myself on not having missed a loop in many years. i don't know why this is such an obsession of mine. this morning, i was walking the parking lot and noticed the guy in front of me had missed one of his double loops in the back. i have no idea why the fuck this jumps out at me. honestly, its not as though i'm checking out his ass. what was i thinking this morning? oh right...who the fuck would tuck in that style of shirt? he was wearing a tony soprano classic - black shirt with two vertical white strips in the front. and this fucker tucked it in. so of course i was checking him out. and then the missed loop? come on. he deserves to have that bus hit him as he crosses the street. but alas, it did not.

eric zahn (and others) must be happy....

2006-06-12T12:40:00.000-04:00

breaking news, as of 12:35

x-men in real life?

2006-06-06T22:35:00.000-04:00

everyone has seen the news about the 3 arm baby, right?

i find this completely amazing. for years, i've held the belief that we shouldn't cut off extra toes, fingers, etc. who are we to say that this isn't the next stage in evolution?

medical science is making us live longer than we should. medicines and vaccines keep the weakest of people from dying when natural selection dictates they should.

i guess my point is that i'm confused now. i want to maintain that evolution is a good school of thought. but i have no idea what i would have done if keira came out looking like this baby. i'm sure i'd axe it off.

but i can't help to wonder how in the world that child with the extra arms could swing a bat. does the extra arm create greater batspeed? if he had the size to be a defensive lineman, would he be not allowed to play because the extra arm added leverage and an "unfair" advantage in the battle of the trenches? would anyone have the guts to not axe extra appendages like that? i think it'd be amazing to see what happens if left untouched. from a genetics standpoint, does he now carry the extra arm chromozome so he has a potential of producing 3 armed kids? granted, i think i heard that the extra arm didn't have any muscle tone, so i'm sure he'd been eaten by a tricerotops, but its still fun to ponder.

ever yak while on the job?

2006-05-31T22:14:00.000-04:00

i have.

last week. on a shoot. here's the story:

last monday thru thursday, i had the good fortune of being on a shoot in sandusky, ohio. monday was our final walk-through and pre-pro meeting so a pretty light day. that night was the 24 finale and the client invited the folks from the agency (about 6 people) and the director and AD over to her house to watch the 2 hour shitstorm.

i hate that show, so i elected to sit outside with the creative director and talk shop, life, cigars, sex and all other things. NOTE - for those outside the biz, its kind of rare to see an account guy like me hanging solo with the chief creative officer of an agency. for some reason, its like oil and water or something.

anyway, the clients husband is a wine fanatic and had the whole evening planned out. i can't for the life of me remember a goddam single one, because as a group, we put away 7 or 8 bottles. 2 of which were split by the creative director and me. which was already on top of the 2 bottles of wine we split over dinner. so i was super fucked up.

while driving back, i decided we needed a nightcap so a few of us went to a local dive called the thirsty pony. i sure as fuck didn't need the two beers i had there.

so the night ends. i get back to the room (which i had to share to save costs by the way), drank some water and passed out. woke up a bit hungover, but after a shower i was ready to start.

tuesday, we were shooting for the new ride this season, Skyhawk. good ride. not a coaster, but the biggest and fastest swing ride in the world. surprisingly good. anyway, i had a good greasy mcmuffin and like i said was feeling pretty good. dog tired, but no headache or anything.

so the director asks for a couple fill-in riders to get a shot. which, fortunately with this client, is one of the jobs of the account guy. i get on. ride 7 times in a row and get off like a champ. still dog tired but feeling okay. so i sit down on a bench right by the ride.

i think that was my mistake. i sat there and watched the ride go back and forth. 60 miles and hour, high as shit...120 feet at the apex. back and forth.

fuck me. here comes the mouth waters. swallow. swallow. swallow. mother fucker. get up and go to the bathroom which was near by, thankfully. start to blow right inside the door and manage to get it into a trashcan.

i don't think i've ever puked on wine, but its just as purple the next day. unless you're downing white wine, i guess. blew a couple more times in a toilet and luckily managed to avoid soiling any of my clothes.

so i'm good, right? not so quick. now having an empty stomach and assumably yak breath, i decide to eat some fruit and drink some water. i figured the worst has past and i wanted something lite.

for some goddamn reason, that came up about an hour later. again, i was able to distance myself from the others on the shoot by "going to my car to grab something" and avoided embarrasment. and again, three separate heaves and again, nothing on my clothes.

how the fuck i managed this and still functioned, i don't know. and what the fuck was up with my yakking anyway? i don't think i've gotten sick from too much liquor since i almost lost my fiance to a belligerent asshole from my past.

i'm offended

2006-05-18T11:38:00.000-04:00

why doesn't anyone else put a picture of themselves with their id's? like on my friend's site, i know the bulk of the people that correspond, but i'd love a pic to make sure i know which poster is j and which is leland and so forth. i hate reading and figuring things out in context. pix make it so much easier. why do you think i like comics? who needs a full paragraph explaining how someone feels when their superhero girlfriend gets stabbed through the chest with a sai, when all you gotta do is look at a nice drawing?

going once...going twice...SOLD!

2006-05-10T09:14:00.000-04:00

this might be better than calvin pissing on things.

i was looking on ebay for a royals fan who seemingly sold his loyalty. it went for $200+ or so. the wife called yesterday morning after hearing this on the radio. why the hell didn't i think of that? i can't find the listing since the auction is over, but apparently, the winning bidder got help the seller choose his new team. what a great idea. hell...i have a kevin seitzer rookie card i could have thrown in to sweeten the deal!

total exhaution

2006-05-08T11:27:00.000-04:00

i don't think i could honestly say i've felt mentally exhausted before. but i'm totally wiped. i've been on the go for 2-3 months now while we've been creating ads for Cedar Point and Worlds of Fun. I've been to LA once, KC 4 times, Sandusky, OH 4 times since mid-Feb. And more trips already planned in the near future.

in this span, we created 9 tv commercials and 4 radio spots for CP, 3 tv and 3 radio spots for WOF - and that doesn't even mention the third park in the group, Geauga Lake, whose 2 TV and 2 radio spots i barely touched. that's a ton of work. add a lot of print work for CP and a little bit for WOF, and i'm kaput. in fact, i'd say that's more broadcast advertising i've managed in 3 months than i had worked on in the past 5 years. it's amazing that we pulled it off.

unfortunately, the client did not choose to pay talent fees to use the spots online, so you can only view 2 of them....one at cedarpoint.com and the other at worldsoffun.com.

although it was a lot of work and i'm tired as shit right now, i'm happy to be working on amusement parks. its not the most creative work...we'll probably win a couple of "brass rings" instead of pencils (amusement park awards vs. ad industry awards), but it is rewarding work. i don't feel like an agency dirtbag trying to sell the public things they don't want. who doesn't like roller coasters? its not a hard sell at all.

hold the goddamn press!!!

2006-04-19T10:01:00.000-04:00

rather than posting yet another dumb email from another colleague of mine today, i thought i'd supply you with this little news nugget.

holy fucking shit, batman. it would seem like a sound business decision to take something off the market that nobody's interested in buying. why the fuck is this news? is my industry that ri-goddamn-diculous that one of its leading news rags needs to run this story?

why waste ink on something for this when not even my grandma watches that damn channel. i think the most disheartening part of the article was the following:

"Ms. Moseley (exec VP-chief marketing officer) made $857,660 last year according to Reuters"

fuck me if this doesn't confirm that i'm on the wrong side of this biz. shit.

i work with idiots

2006-04-15T07:47:00.000-04:00

not all of my co-workers are dullards. some are great at what they do. some are excellent communicators. some embrace technology like it's a long-lost friend. although really nice, the person who sent the autoreply below doesn't qualify for any of the above.

although, i guess there is something to be said about being succinct.

absent minded brand manager

2006-04-10T23:51:00.000-04:00

you gotta love nabisco. they've not only filled my life with such goodies as cheese nips, nilla wafers, everyone's favorite oreos (although i must admit that the news that they're going to make an oblong oreo now is simply ludicrous), ritz crackers and triscuits, they also provided the stellar game of pong i posted the other day. since i found that through a portal site, i hadn't really gone to their official site, nabiscoworld.com until i quit a game of pong tonight.

so they have other games. a couple baseball items that bring to the table the skill level of the sliding feature from roger clemens baseball for the super nintendo circa 1992. nothing near the quality of that game of pong. i love me a good game of table tennis.

i'm actually laughing too hard to play another game featured; simply called cornhole.

do you think the idiot that blue-lighted the title to that game is completely oblivious that he has now linked his long-standing, wholesome brand to a great slang for the butthole? or do you think that he, himself understands the joke and is just biding his time until he gets fired and collects unemployment?

best game ever

2006-04-07T22:42:00.000-04:00

you've got to be kidding me!!!! if only i wasn't so damn busy at work.

total love fest

2006-04-05T12:36:00.000-04:00

i'm way in love with this fucking honeydew melon i'm eating right now. i don't know what's happened to me. i mean, its the same orange melon i've had on thousands of occasions, but something about the past few times i've had it has made me simply want more.

maybe it's the fact that i had to pay $6.95 per day at a KC Holiday Inn last week for the continental breakfast. complete joke yes. but it started the trend of some great fucking melon.

LA Times

2006-03-21T10:03:00.000-05:00

as a few people know, i spent last week in LA for production. it went very well. we shot 5 spots in 6 days and although it was a lot of work and stressful at times, nobody on the trip strangled another. i'm sure that the thought was there, but nobody actually committed the action.

i had two different clients there. one was there for most of the week, but was kind of disengaged through the process. i think her mind was somewhere else. although i had a good time with her, i just don't think we've really connected. age difference perhaps with her having about 20 years on me. the other client was only there for a couple days and although 10 years my superior in age, he's a little green in his post and definitly interested in each step of the process. it was a really good experience and i enjoyed his company a ton.

we ate a boatload of good food. chinois one night, disney's grand californian hotel another (what can i say...we're in the amusement park biz so we have to see the competition), campanile, drago, and of course lettuce wrapped burgers at in-and-out.

good trip and good food. i bet my trip next week in KC will be just as great!!! note sarcasm.

and get this....i'll be in KC all next week (back next friday) and then going back out on the 5th and 6th, completely missing the Royals opening day. and to make it even worse...the client has season tickets and offered them to me for game 2....but its too early in the day for any flights. although i oversee my client's ad budget, i can't justify an extra day there just so i can go see a game. reason being....i always stay at a casino when i go there so although my client's budget could withstand an extra night of hotel, my personal budget couldn't handle the craps and BJ tables!!!

that's exciting for a minute

2006-03-07T11:50:00.000-05:00

i watched perhaps the best concept for a reality show last night. and it was by total accident. pros vs. joes premiered last night on spike tv. whenever do i fucking watch spike tv? i can't even remember how i ended up there (or maybe i have a secret obsession with ultimate fighting).

anyway...the title tells all. retired pros from any sport compete against average joes. and i'm not talking about that hunk of a guy that shared a million bucks with zora a few years back. high school and college athletes compete against former pro athletes at their specialty. it was great.

for instance,
the three schmucks had to cover jerry rice on 3 plays (from 30 yards, 20 yeards and 5 yards out). the person that stops him from scoring a touchdown the most wins the round.

during the final round, they had to get ONE rebound against dennis rodman.

a little more lame, but they had to field ground balls hit by matt williams.

on the same level as the rodman thing, they had to try to put goldberg on his back in the square circle.

what else...they had a cheap driving contest (not against a pro golfer of course), had a pass accuracy contest against jim mcmahon. i think that's it for last night.

it was amazing tv. it wasn't the best, but think about it. we've all had dreams of doing this type of shit. trying to cover rice? sure he's old now and has dropped a step since he was dancing on ABC. but shit. as you can imagine, he truly made everyone look like shit. christ...all the pros towered over these average guys (height around 5'10" or so). it was crazy. i don't think i'm hooked enough to watch it all the time, but the promos showed other hijenks such as trying to hit a john rocker fastball and some other crazy shit. i can't stop thinking about it.

i guess its officially on monday's at 10, but since its on one hell of a cable channel, i'm sure they will re-run it to death. check it out.

not too shabby

2006-03-06T12:17:00.000-05:00

kind of impressive that someone took the time to make this little diddy.

my wrinkled nutsack

2006-03-01T18:15:00.000-05:00

okay, so i have to admit that i'm getting old. not old in the sense that i'm wearing dentures or poo my pants, or as the title of this post suggest, i have a wrinkle in my nut bag. but old to the point where i was sent a comic strip today that really resonates with me.

and you know what? i really fucking hate that. not because of the comic strip was used as delivery method (although i could go on how trivial they are in comparison to the epic stories i read in my comic books). but because of the strip itself. i don't think i'd be bothered as much if something like the boondocks made me think something along the lines of "hey you know what? i really am a racist." at least that's hip. not the hating of blacks, muslims, jews or something. i meant the boondocks.

fucking dilbert brought a smile to my face today. DILBERT! because it poked fun at a commonality in my ad life....

fucking dilbert is for idiots that work the 'puter for their life, not for their enjoyment(sorry to my internet geek working friends). fucking dilbert is the devil. fucking dilbert is for desk calendars for some goddamn nerd in a cube farm. sure...maybe in some odd alpaca conspiracy way you could link dilbert to great shows like the office (david brent) or the office (michael scott). but that little prick with the nerdy little glasses and testicle-shaped nose is just wrong. people actually read that shit? was this funny? was it even funny to anyone outside the ad biz?

what the fuck. i should've practiced harder so i'd be in spring training right now instead of putting together another presentation. goddammit.

sex on the brain

2006-02-27T15:35:00.000-05:00

so i'm sitting in a meeting today. and i'm bored. i'm taking notes but it really doesn't matter. i just wanted to get out of it as quickly as i could.

fast-forward to 3 hours later and i turn back to the page of notes from that meeting. right at the top of the page, making up about a 2 inch block across the top - a masthead if you will - is giant one pair of doodled tits.

what the fuck is wrong with me? if i hadn't had a little nookie action in the recent past, i'd say that i was in the need of a good fuck. but that's not it. maybe it would be excusable if there was a hot chick in the room at the time. but no. we were talking about production budgets. what a fucking bore.

i do admit that i can draw a nice rack, though! if i can find a scanner, i'll post a pic shortly.

i'm famous. fuck yeah!

2006-02-22T20:48:00.000-05:00

had an interesting experience tonight. i'm killing time while i wait for the formula water to cool down so that i can mix it (those reading with babies...you know. those reading w/out babies....fuck you. i used to go out 3-4 nights a week too). while waiting, i decided to google my new client from Worlds of Fun in KC. Turns out, he was in a band...which is what i'm looking for, but i can't find any links to that to save my life.

so after giving up, and for some reason deciding for once NOT to read some comic fan websites, i chose to google myself. quotes and all to make sure i get rid of all the unnecessary links to 3k results that we all know i didn't run.

and what did i find...my name is synonymous to snapperhead.

i thought for sure that my time i spent on the Scientology farm getting all those accreditations would negate my moronic ways. oh well. the public believes what it wants to believe.

this dad's a prick....

2006-02-21T22:25:00.000-05:00

okay, so the title may be a misleading. i don't mean THIS dad, as in me (although i'm sure the wife and a few select indiciduals would beg to differ). i meant the "general dad" that would do this to his kid.

there was a time when i would think this was funny. hell, doing that to certain people would be funny. i could see doing something very similar to this to the wife. but your kid? come on. that's just cruel. that dad deserves to be hated by his kid for life.

the only thing worse i could imagine doing to a kid would be subjecting the little fucker to mind of mancia. where the fuck is my remote? he's a BEANER. oh...you're mexican. i get it. now get the fuck off my TV.

what crawled up your crack?

2006-02-14T09:00:00.000-05:00

what the hell was in the air last night? apparently, while my wife and her mom went shopping for some gym clothes on sunday, they had a discussion on camel toes. i don't know what started it....maybe mom-in-law had one while trying on her new running shorts, maybe the fat-ass cashier sported the latest and greatest in vaginal wedgie. who knows.

what i do know is that while we were getting ready for dinner last night, the discussion came up again. and it was clear that mom-in-law simply wasn't getting it. apparently, she just thought the phrase in and of itself was funny. she even tried to push it a little further by saying camel tongue might be funnier. suze and i glanced at each other. what? by no means was she getting any idea of what the true meaning was since she tried to go there with it. we spent about five minutes dancing around it. for all the money in the world, i'm not going to describe outloud to my mother-in-law exactly what a camel toe is.

rather, after dinner, i march upstairs and google it. did you know that there are 6.5 MILLION sites with a reference to camel toes out there? who woulda thunk it.

even more, who would've known that i'd spend half an hour surfing ratemycameltoe.com with my wife's 65 year old mom.

nothing in my nutsack

2006-02-13T17:55:00.000-05:00

for those of you that know me, i've recently found enjoyment in yogurt. well, if you count within the past year as recent. before, i used to think of yogurt as nothing other than maybe a cup of man goo with a little flavor sprinkled in. don't get me wrong, i love a cup of man goo as much as the next guy, i was of the mind that i simply wasn't going to put that crap in my mouth for breakfast.

but then i was tempted by the wife one night while she was eating some strawberry. she referenced it tasting like a strawberry shake, which i just happen to love. so what the hell. i dove in. i loved it. i maxed out strawberry over the next month and needed to move on to other flavors. i'm hooked. if not every day, at least 4-5 times a week type hooked. i can't get enough of it.

so i get excited when my brand, dannon light 'n fit, starts running a promotion to win shit. i'm 100% about winning shit, especially when i don't have to do much else than continue on my particular habits. so i rack up a couple weeks worth of lids - probably 9 in all - and venture to the website to enter.

what the fuck? i feel like i'm totally emasculated. what kind of prizes are those? a fucking manicure or flowers for 3rd place prizes? what the hell am i going to do with a new spring outfit? match the purse to my bowling shoes? oh wait - i get a new pair of shoes with that. damn it if i don't hate yogurt now.

so i take a week off from eating yogurt. and when i hop back on that train again this morning - like a dumbass i have to trek to the site to see if i won. what a schmuck i am.

maybe i wouldn't be complaining if i won something. i could use a day at the spa these days.

i thought they were joking

2006-01-20T09:36:00.000-05:00

yesterday afternoon, an email circulated the office that today would be a day-long tailgate/celebration of the AFC championship game. steeler songs are being played over the intercom. we've transformed our town hall, a large meeting space most often used for gathering about and/or eating lunch, into a psuedo parking lot. this afternoon, there will be all kinds of shit apparently. sausages, pierogies (which are big tailgate food in these parts), soda, and regretably no beer. what kind of tailgate is it without booze? damn, i thought i'd be able to get behind this activity, in spite of the email having yellow background and black letters. just when i thought i could participate, they take my lifeline away. oh well.

and my subject line? they talked about kicking off the day with black and gold bagels. i only wish that was a joke....

iron city idiots

2006-01-13T09:15:00.000-05:00

i can understand a little town/team pride, but what i'm witnessing this morning is borderline insane. my office has about 175 people. i've been here for about half an hour thus far and seen the regulars that i see by this time, which amounts to about 25 people. all but 2 - me of course being one of them - are wearing steeler crap.

correction - it is insane. not to show a little pride. especially in a typical agency environment where everyone is pretty much left to their own to interpret biz casual as they see fit. but what's fucked in the head is how people try to pull it off. i've seen....

- my boss (who is actually a few months younger than me, but 2 titles higher than me) who is wearing a nice pair of slacks (a term that i reserve for idiots who've acquiesced to living in the adult world), a button down shirt and tie underneath his big ben #7. it is the lamest excuse of dressing up since the hereford bulls pulled off this same tactic on game days.

- some kind of assistant who is wearing the ever popular pink jersey. what the fuck? i can see you're a girl by the tits and shapely hips. i don't need to see your gender in the color of your football jersey. either wear something that's at least closer to legit, hell even a sweatshirt or something, or just don't play at all.

- a media buyer/planner actually has his fucking face painted.

- another media buyer that has one of her husband's t-shirts on. its huge on her and almost looks like its a nightshirt. wait....that's probably a good thing because she's a chunky one.

- a production manager with a steeler themed jester hat. this is actually the least offensive to me. it says..."you know what - i may not realize it for myself, but at least you have the opportunity to see how much of a fucking joke i am."

what a great way to start my day.

dumb ass-flaps

2006-01-10T08:48:00.000-05:00

does anyone ever use those paper butt flaps that are in public restrooms?

i noticed this morning while taking a crap at work that the two people that came in after me (different stalls, naturally) didn't use it. i had not used them. and yet, they're clearly marked "provided by the management for your protection." that, in and of itself, is kind of weird...aren't the fucking nightly cleaners better for our protection than that silly piece of paper?

and perhaps more importantly, aren't there other objects that deserve to be labeled with such a "provided by..." statement like say, bullet-proof vests? those seem a bit more essential than these ass-flaps that apparently no one uses. why try to justify the existance of a lame excuse for protecting my butt cheeks from some microbe of poop or syphillis or something else that lingers? its ri-goddamn-diculous, i say.

socially acceptable?

2006-01-09T09:45:00.000-05:00

is it considered inappropriate to make a call to someone while you're sitting on the john?

are there limitations to that? say...is it okay to call your wife or a really good friend. but you shouldn't call your client, a repairman or other such business-type call?

and, lets say its okay to call. should one wait until after the first barrage or is it okay to start making the call as soon as you sit down? the way i see it, if you're talking on the crapper, then its no holds barred. if grandma hears a big "plop" in the background, then so be it. which begs the question...if placing the call with your ass on the seat, do you need to announce you're current status? other times you do...

"i'm calling from my car, so it may lose you."
"hey mom...guess where i'm calling from? the airplane!!!"
"if you hear any flatulance, no big deal. i'm just on the shitter."

celebrity bdays

2006-01-06T16:49:00.000-05:00

can anyone find a more pathetic day of hollywood bdays? this is atrocious. howie long and john singleton? i think i'd shoot myself if i were born today.

my man with a plan

2006-01-06T09:12:00.000-05:00

everyday on my way to work, i cut through the heart of pittsburgh. its actually a pretty easy shot. there are three main roads that kind of form a triangle loop through the main part of the downtown that keeps traffic flowing pretty good. the other day, i happened to notice that the street i take houses a courthouse of some kind. county, district, whatever.

anyway, on my way by today, there seemed to be a long line to get in. i'm not sure why...maybe its casino licensing day, or the state legalized gay marriages or maybe it was leather steeler jacket giveaway day or whatnot. perhaps. maybe it just opens for business at 9am and seeing as how i stopped for a bagel and coffee this morning, i was going past it about a half hour later than usual. who knows.

what i do know is that i saw something that really made me happy for some reason. a light turned red and i was forced to stop, which provided me the opportunity to gaze at the crowd waiting in line. good mix of suits, trash and people that just looked like they needed a form filled out. as my gaze went back forward to see if the light changed, there was a man stolling across the intersection with a beer in hand. my eyes were fixated. i don't know why. he wasn't even drinking my brand (champaign of beers naturally). he was drinking the beer of my younger, less sophisticated self...miller lite.

anyways, he kept walking across and ended up getting in line. that is absolutely awesome. going to the courthouse for some apparent reason. maybe he was to testify on someone's behalf. he did have on kickin' sneakers and matching headband. a well put-together brother. but the way he was walking and sipping his beer. then so casually getting in line like he didn't have a care in the world. it just made me jealous. i don't want to work today. i have to get a campaign approved. i have to update a status report. i have budgets to manage. fuck.

i would much rather be walking into the courthouse and put my bottle of beer on the table while i pass through the metal detectors.

yellow or clear?

2005-12-29T15:28:00.000-05:00

as in, what should the color of urine be? for as long as i remember, my pee has always been yellow. except when i have a lot of beer, then its more towards the clear side. my wife says its because i don't take in enough fluids during the day and that pee is supposed to be clear. that weirds me out.

so much so that today as i'm taking a piss, i'm really taken aback that my trusty ole' yellow is staring back at me. granted, i've been drinking a lot of water today as i'm trying to flush away a head cold.

but dammit if i'm not stunned anyway.

shaving, shmaving

2005-12-28T09:05:00.000-05:00

what the hell?

as i've alluded to before, i'm growing tired of shaving. and seeing the fact that gillette is about to break a 6 blade razor got my ire up again. during this holiday season, i've grown very lazy. i grew a beard last week, shaved once, and then have been mangy since last tuesday. yesterday i decided to shave, but then stopped short and shaved a pathetic goat.

for those of you in the know, my scroatee may even be weaker than the dudeman's chin pubes. i have the tendancy to grow pretty thick chin hair and then have trouble linking it to my pathetic upper lip fuzz. the fuzz is still coming in blonde rather than my natural poo brown hair, so i don't know what the hell is up. it seems to be coming in a little better than several years ago when i last tried it, but i still feel dumb.

i hate goats. (love the animals, just not the facial hair.) i think they're ridiculous. i'd much rather go with the 70's porn stache, but i can't grow that. or maybe the abe lincoln, but i'm sure that just wouldn't work unless i got a matching stove top and i'm not about to do that. maybe the neckbeard would be fun, but i have a feeling the wife or the employer would fail to support that. i feel like such a jackass with this thing. i'll try to remember to post a pic soon.

anyway....6 blades? come on! the jump from 2 to 3 was revolutionary. i could take the transition to 4, but to completely skip 5 blades and go to 6? that's just downright pompous.

much like my idea for a lawn-sized mower (place on lawn, flip switch and viola...yardwork is done!), i can't wait until the day when you put your face in a mask and come out clean shaven. how many blades will that take? or will it be something cool i don't even know about? now that's a razor to get excited about.

happy holidays

2005-12-27T09:43:00.000-05:00

i love this man.

i'm totally gaying out for him. i wish that movie science were true. if it were, i'd try to get arnold swartzenegger's baby potion so that jon and i could have a baby together.

i feel so out of touch. taking care of the baby, no tivo and living at the inlaws' house has made me miss on the greatest joys of my life.

another one of those days...

2005-12-20T10:05:00.000-05:00

stuff i've researched today...

alas, i knew thee well
ri-goddamn-diculous
mcsweeneys
free music*

* the catch is that you have to sign up for a 2 week trial membership. download your fiddy tunes and get out. recommend friends to get another 50, but they have to register too. so if you're interested, let me know so that i can email you a link. i want more free tunes, dammit!

killing time/me

2005-12-19T14:23:00.000-05:00

so its my bday. and as such, i lack any motivation to do any work. but this is worse than my earlier post. i started the day with a migraine and decided that the two of those things combined made for a mental health day. albeit at work.

so in my wanderings, i came across a fun little site. i was looking at the latest jib jab movie and they had a link to a site where some asshole rates childrens' drawings he sees on the net. that's pretty fun (and i think if you follow the link below, you should be able to stumble across it) but not as fun as another page i came across.

this guy is typically just ranting to rant. think of him as attempting a jim rome "take" without getting paid to do it or perhaps just some foul-mouthed young adult that doesn't get laid enough. he has a couple good posts - i read the star wars rant. although it was kind of funny, it still wasn't as good as this.

i knew there was a reason i liked comics.

public pooping

2005-12-15T13:28:00.000-05:00

for the longest part of my life, i've had a severe case of public poophobia. i still maintain a piece of that, but at places that i'm comfortable with (the office, client's office, frequently visited restaurants - NEVER bars mind you), i have no qualms plopping down and clearing out.

i've even relaxed a little to go sans nesting at work.

but the whole point of this post is that, i am quiet when i have to drop the deuce. i don't talk to anyone. i make my poo and go about my business.

i walked into the restroom this morning to take a whiz and some dude was in there grunting as though he was delivering a baby. check that...he was making more noise than my wife did when she had keira. and i'm not talking the physical noise of turd departing from anus, i'm talking about the guy grunting like a motherfucker. it was pathetic. i can't for the life of me remember a time when i've ever needed to grunt to lay a turd. i do strain and stress from time to time because quite frankly, i don't have enough roughage in my diet. but excerting enough force to not be able to contain vocal noices simply has never been in my world. it was gross to say the least.

at least the guy gave me a courtesy flush once he realized he wasn't alone.

lack of motivation

2005-12-02T15:06:00.000-05:00

what the hell is wrong with me? here i sit at my new job, not even a full 2 weeks in. and i can't for the life of me find the drive to do something this afternoon.

i think i lack the mental fortitude to actually bill 8 hours of time a day to my clients. i have plenty to do. research to read, pre-production details to cover, status reports to update. but fuck me if that's not as enticing as reading about my buddy's neckbeard (in his "where was I?" post) or checking in on the latest news in comics or even checking out this little ditty about bert blyleven. i have to admit that i only came across the blyleven site from a smartbrief i get about the ad biz. so at least that's billable to something.

got news today that "my name is earl" and "the office" are moving to thursday's at 9. good stuff. check it out if you're not already. its not "arrested development" or even the brit version of "the office," but it works.

i started watching "smallville" thinking that since i'm a comic geek, i should be watching this. its crazy. think "buffy the vampire slayer" meets the superman mythos meets the female bodies and outfits from a UNIVISION variety show. those chicks have some smoking bodies. high school my ass. from a comic geek standpoint (which i don't really consider myself that deep into it), i don't like it. the plot kind of sucks. but then again, its hot chicks and superman. i'm sure that my comic brethren beat off to it every thursday. i know if i were in high school still, i probably would.

100b message board avatar

2005-12-01T12:43:00.000-05:00

i'm back, bitches!

2005-11-30T11:40:00.000-05:00

so the past few weeks have been pretty hectic. last week at neiman; first week at marc; turkey day and such. i think that's a good enough excuse for not posting for awhile. lets discuss...

last week at neiman. for not really giving a fuck anymore, i sure worked my ass off. in fact, i was late to my own fucking happy hour send off because i was making sure everything was wrapped up as it could be. i don't know why i cared so much...its not like i care for the fat asian cooze that took over my accounts. i guess i realized that if something falls through the cracks, she'd blame me rather than looking in the mirror.

first week at marc. wow...first day was in ohio at cedar point. it sucked to see the park and not be able to ride anything. fucking winter. good first day. my second day sucked - i had real work to do already and still hadn't had my orientation crap. i felt so fucking lost it was miserable. third day dealt with a client crisis trying to get a new radio spot edited and trafficed for the weekend. fuck that. stations were shut down by the time we got everything done (which we knew already going into it) so it didn't air until this week. silly clients. but thats the biz.

turkey day was actually on friday for me. my moms and pops in law were traveling in italy and got back late on turkey day. so we went to bro-in-law's house for fried turkey. i have to admit that it was the least intriguing fried bird i've ever tasted. he didn't even use the giant baster/needle to give it flavor. and he fried two 13# birds for 10 adults and 2 kids (baby was easing turkey in a jar). idiot. one whole bird was leftover.

i just now had my orientation to the servers and such here, so i'm getting more comfortable. i swear that my office spaces get worse as i progress in my cube. this one sucks - its dirty and the size of a modest walk-in closet. oh well.

gotta go. talk to you soon.

fuckwad america

2005-11-14T15:52:00.000-05:00

what the fuck? how can shows like friends, will & grace and everybody loves raymond dominate the ratings for YEARS and an excellent show like arrested development get canned? we deserve to be mired in mindless drivel like joey and king of queens because we failed to support quality.

as a nation, we are truly dumb. not only do we ignore great television, we give assholes like pat robertson a public forum to speak.

what a dick. how the fuck can someone smite a town for voting with logic and realism instead of voting on blind faith in stories created long ago to scare people into behaving properly?

if robertson's home should be struck with a vicious act of nature, i certainly hope that his god protects him through the storm, only to be trampled to death by the evolution parade. this fuckstick deserves less than i describe.

fond farewell?

2005-11-13T23:08:00.000-05:00

let's see how much sticktoittiveness i'll have on this one, but i had an idea for my farewell note while i was driving back from pittsburgh today.

i'm going to write a couple different "dear john" memos (or whatever the hell you call company goodbye notes), ranging from "i'll miss you all" to "hopefully i won't miss many of you with my sniper rifle." it could be fun.

and as far as the follow-through on this? i should be able to do it. i think i've pretty much checked out at this point. i cared a bit last week b/c there was a big meeting coming up. but that came and went on thursday, so now i'm just hoping to drink my way through the week.

what a gyp

2005-11-10T10:42:00.000-05:00

dumbass me. i was so excited because as a bachelor preparing effort, the wife got me a pack of gift certificates for free frostys at wendys. i thought...wow, very cool of the wife to recognize that i will eat nothing but shit for the 3 weeks i'm on my own. how kind of her. she not only recognizes, she's kind of endorsing it with these free coupons. the book has 10 coupons for me to use during the month of november...they're intended as halloween treats. well fuck that. its a fucking trick. i go there really jonsing for a little piece of chocalatey shake-like-yet-too-thick-for-a-straw heaven and i get a fucking shot of frosty. its fucking kid size. look at the picture below. aside from my hairy ass arm, you can easily see that my hand dwarfs the cup. i'm not a photoshop wizard. nor am i giant. that's real. fucking fuckwads.

sappy fuckheads

2005-11-02T22:47:00.000-05:00

so, i'm driving into work today thinking about my farewell email. why the fuck is one compelled to send something like that out? is it obligatory to do so? did i really make enough of a mark on this fucking agency that i have to send out a note thanking everyone for the opportunities and whatnot? part of me wants to send a picture of the glass door to the lobby hitting my bare, hairy ass. that works as a farewell, doesn't it? but you know what...i bet the knuckleheads in our media department wouldn't even get the visual metaphor. so even that would be wasted.

yet, part me feels like i have to do it. its a rite of passage, i guess. i have several ideas (beside the ass thing) floating around. i guess i'm trying to figure out a way to send a juicy turd disguised as sincere honesty. i have phrases floating around in my head that i want to use, but am struggling with how to do it properly.

i'm sure that i'll do the "right thing" in the end. but it sure is fun to think up some crazy shit to say.

its funny that this post became a lambasting of the whole notion, because truth be told, i was feeling a bit mopey this morning as i was thinking about my impending departure. i guess that's what an afternoon of trying to distinguish a strategy from a shitstorm will do to you.

i guess i could always blame the mopey-ness on my meds. one of the warnings on the box reads "caution, patients with testicals can, and often do, go through periods of emotional distress. be sure to have skirts on hand on days when taking your shot."