Vacation Recap, PART 1

who doesn't love the outer banks?

who hates OBX?

me, that's who. well - i love the beach down there, but for some reason the abbreviation really fucking eats at me. i absobuletly hate seeing those fucking stickers. hard to explain, but it happens.

the beach was great. the in-laws, for the most part, were great. before i get into a rundown of my week with them, lets set the stage with the cast of characters:

REAL FAMILY

• darth saul: father-in-law and sith master. my friends have referred to him as the emperor, but i don't think he's all that evil.
• rhonda sue: mother-in-law. she's a wonderful person and really likes the way i mix cocktails. or maybe i just make them a little strong and she's off her gourd by the time she thanks me.
• hurricane dave: brother-in-law. i gotta give my mom-in-law credit on the name. calm, calm, calm, fucking rage personified, baby-ish behavior on the backside, back to normal. that is, if you call ignoring certain family members a year at a time normal.
• buy your love becky: sis-in-law. that name isn't entirely fair to her. really sweet woman who just aims to please. its like pulling teeth trying to pay her back for anything.
• the wife: my tie to this family and bless her for somehow navigating these waters and coming out unscathed.

THE OUTSIDERS

• cat's-got-his-tongue tommy: dating becky and a super nice guy. not very talkative, but then again when it comes to being around this entire family, i turn into wall art too.
• michelle: i can't for the life of me come up with some kind of modifer for her. living with the 'cane i'm surprised she's still part of the family.
• bucksuperstereo: yours truly.

THE KIDS

• brittany: beautiful little 7 year old niece. i hope she doesn't grow up thinking that female subservience is the way of life. with dave as a dad, i fear for her.
• ali (alexandra): great 5 year old niece. headstrong as hell. always wanted to help and then do everything herself. sweet but woah is she going to be a tough teenager.
• keira: my baby girl. if i could figure out how the hell to post pix to this thing you'd have seen her already.

THE PLOT
as long as i've known my wife, there's always been some kind of heartache in her family. someone's being a prick to someone else. everyone always knows better than you and such. oddly enough, it is all out of love. anyways, for their parents' 65th bdays, the kids gave them a family trip to the beach. great idea? yes, but there was troublefrom the start. we had practically a year of build up before we got there. wanna example? fine...

dave: why do i have to get saladdressing for everyone?
wife: because thats what i assigned to you.
dave: but how am i supposed to know what type of dressing everyone likes?
wife: don't worry about it. just pick something up and everyone will deal.
dave: but what if i don't get the right kinds?
wife: christ david....then they'll go to the store and buy they're own damn dressing.
dave: i don't know....
wife: look. just go to the store and get some stuff. we don't exactly know everyone's likes and dislikes either, but we just got back from costco and we picked up a whole lot of food - chips, candy, macaroni and cheese.
dave: oh. (pause) what kind of mac and cheese did you get?
wife: velveeta.
dave: SEE! I LIKE KRAFT! what am i gonna do with all that stuff i don't like?

come on. that's just fucked in the head.

now i'm all worked up and want to tell other build up stories. i'll do that (and hopefully get into some real vaca recap too) in my next post.