shot night

it wasn't too long ago, when shot night referred to an evening of binge drinking for me, but with more tequila than beer. but for the past year and a half, its been a whole different thing in my world. i was diagnosed with MS in december of 2003 (on my birthday no less) and since the following january i've been injecting myself with a drug called Rebif three times a week.

its a weird thing, multiple sclerosis. i feel absolutely fine. healthy even. but it gnaws at me at times because i know my body isn't right. for whatever reason, my white blood cells are attacking the cells in my brain causing scars that lead to misread signals. i've changed some of my habits since i was diagnosed - try to eat better, try to exercise more often, try not to get stressed out, take it easy, etc.

i guess on the good side of things is that i'm really in tune with my body now. what gets to me is the fact that i over think everything. i'll wake up with a slight tingle in my hands and i immediately wonder if its the next stage of my disease. that's what sucks about it. there's no set path of degeneration. it could be months/years before i have my next exacerbation. or i could wake up tomorrow and not be able to see. its not as drastic as it sounds, but fuck if it doesn't get someone like me spinning just thinking about it.

so what got me even thinking about this right now is threefold: 1) an idiot coworker of mine asked me about it today; 2) there was a report on The Insider tonight about Richard Pryor's "MS ravaged body" (I'M SURE EXCESSIVE DRUG USE HAD NOTHING TO WITH THAT) and 3) having to take my damn shot, of course.

i blame my bad mood on The Insider. i really hate that show. but dan o'brien's phone calls were indeed classic. okay, i'm better now.