i thought they were joking

yesterday afternoon, an email circulated the office that today would be a day-long tailgate/celebration of the AFC championship game. steeler songs are being played over the intercom. we've transformed our town hall, a large meeting space most often used for gathering about and/or eating lunch, into a psuedo parking lot. this afternoon, there will be all kinds of shit apparently. sausages, pierogies (which are big tailgate food in these parts), soda, and regretably no beer. what kind of tailgate is it without booze? damn, i thought i'd be able to get behind this activity, in spite of the email having yellow background and black letters. just when i thought i could participate, they take my lifeline away. oh well.

and my subject line? they talked about kicking off the day with black and gold bagels. i only wish that was a joke....

iron city idiots

i can understand a little town/team pride, but what i'm witnessing this morning is borderline insane. my office has about 175 people. i've been here for about half an hour thus far and seen the regulars that i see by this time, which amounts to about 25 people. all but 2 - me of course being one of them - are wearing steeler crap.

correction - it is insane. not to show a little pride. especially in a typical agency environment where everyone is pretty much left to their own to interpret biz casual as they see fit. but what's fucked in the head is how people try to pull it off. i've seen....

- my boss (who is actually a few months younger than me, but 2 titles higher than me) who is wearing a nice pair of slacks (a term that i reserve for idiots who've acquiesced to living in the adult world), a button down shirt and tie underneath his big ben #7. it is the lamest excuse of dressing up since the hereford bulls pulled off this same tactic on game days.

- some kind of assistant who is wearing the ever popular pink jersey. what the fuck? i can see you're a girl by the tits and shapely hips. i don't need to see your gender in the color of your football jersey. either wear something that's at least closer to legit, hell even a sweatshirt or something, or just don't play at all.

- a media buyer/planner actually has his fucking face painted.

- another media buyer that has one of her husband's t-shirts on. its huge on her and almost looks like its a nightshirt. wait....that's probably a good thing because she's a chunky one.

- a production manager with a steeler themed jester hat. this is actually the least offensive to me. it says..."you know what - i may not realize it for myself, but at least you have the opportunity to see how much of a fucking joke i am."

what a great way to start my day.

dumb ass-flaps

does anyone ever use those paper butt flaps that are in public restrooms?

i noticed this morning while taking a crap at work that the two people that came in after me (different stalls, naturally) didn't use it. i had not used them. and yet, they're clearly marked "provided by the management for your protection." that, in and of itself, is kind of weird...aren't the fucking nightly cleaners better for our protection than that silly piece of paper?

and perhaps more importantly, aren't there other objects that deserve to be labeled with such a "provided by..." statement like say, bullet-proof vests? those seem a bit more essential than these ass-flaps that apparently no one uses. why try to justify the existance of a lame excuse for protecting my butt cheeks from some microbe of poop or syphillis or something else that lingers? its ri-goddamn-diculous, i say.

socially acceptable?

is it considered inappropriate to make a call to someone while you're sitting on the john?

are there limitations to that? say...is it okay to call your wife or a really good friend. but you shouldn't call your client, a repairman or other such business-type call?

and, lets say its okay to call. should one wait until after the first barrage or is it okay to start making the call as soon as you sit down? the way i see it, if you're talking on the crapper, then its no holds barred. if grandma hears a big "plop" in the background, then so be it. which begs the question...if placing the call with your ass on the seat, do you need to announce you're current status? other times you do...

"i'm calling from my car, so it may lose you."
"hey mom...guess where i'm calling from? the airplane!!!"
"if you hear any flatulance, no big deal. i'm just on the shitter."

celebrity bdays

can anyone find a more pathetic day of hollywood bdays? this is atrocious. howie long and john singleton? i think i'd shoot myself if i were born today.

my man with a plan

everyday on my way to work, i cut through the heart of pittsburgh. its actually a pretty easy shot. there are three main roads that kind of form a triangle loop through the main part of the downtown that keeps traffic flowing pretty good. the other day, i happened to notice that the street i take houses a courthouse of some kind. county, district, whatever.

anyway, on my way by today, there seemed to be a long line to get in. i'm not sure why...maybe its casino licensing day, or the state legalized gay marriages or maybe it was leather steeler jacket giveaway day or whatnot. perhaps. maybe it just opens for business at 9am and seeing as how i stopped for a bagel and coffee this morning, i was going past it about a half hour later than usual. who knows.

what i do know is that i saw something that really made me happy for some reason. a light turned red and i was forced to stop, which provided me the opportunity to gaze at the crowd waiting in line. good mix of suits, trash and people that just looked like they needed a form filled out. as my gaze went back forward to see if the light changed, there was a man stolling across the intersection with a beer in hand. my eyes were fixated. i don't know why. he wasn't even drinking my brand (champaign of beers naturally). he was drinking the beer of my younger, less sophisticated self...miller lite.

anyways, he kept walking across and ended up getting in line. that is absolutely awesome. going to the courthouse for some apparent reason. maybe he was to testify on someone's behalf. he did have on kickin' sneakers and matching headband. a well put-together brother. but the way he was walking and sipping his beer. then so casually getting in line like he didn't have a care in the world. it just made me jealous. i don't want to work today. i have to get a campaign approved. i have to update a status report. i have budgets to manage. fuck.

i would much rather be walking into the courthouse and put my bottle of beer on the table while i pass through the metal detectors.