i'm back, bitches!

so the past few weeks have been pretty hectic. last week at neiman; first week at marc; turkey day and such. i think that's a good enough excuse for not posting for awhile. lets discuss...

last week at neiman. for not really giving a fuck anymore, i sure worked my ass off. in fact, i was late to my own fucking happy hour send off because i was making sure everything was wrapped up as it could be. i don't know why i cared so much...its not like i care for the fat asian cooze that took over my accounts. i guess i realized that if something falls through the cracks, she'd blame me rather than looking in the mirror.

first week at marc. wow...first day was in ohio at cedar point. it sucked to see the park and not be able to ride anything. fucking winter. good first day. my second day sucked - i had real work to do already and still hadn't had my orientation crap. i felt so fucking lost it was miserable. third day dealt with a client crisis trying to get a new radio spot edited and trafficed for the weekend. fuck that. stations were shut down by the time we got everything done (which we knew already going into it) so it didn't air until this week. silly clients. but thats the biz.

turkey day was actually on friday for me. my moms and pops in law were traveling in italy and got back late on turkey day. so we went to bro-in-law's house for fried turkey. i have to admit that it was the least intriguing fried bird i've ever tasted. he didn't even use the giant baster/needle to give it flavor. and he fried two 13# birds for 10 adults and 2 kids (baby was easing turkey in a jar). idiot. one whole bird was leftover.

i just now had my orientation to the servers and such here, so i'm getting more comfortable. i swear that my office spaces get worse as i progress in my cube. this one sucks - its dirty and the size of a modest walk-in closet. oh well.

gotta go. talk to you soon.

fuckwad america

what the fuck? how can shows like friends, will & grace and everybody loves raymond dominate the ratings for YEARS and an excellent show like arrested development get canned? we deserve to be mired in mindless drivel like joey and king of queens because we failed to support quality.

as a nation, we are truly dumb. not only do we ignore great television, we give assholes like pat robertson a public forum to speak.

what a dick. how the fuck can someone smite a town for voting with logic and realism instead of voting on blind faith in stories created long ago to scare people into behaving properly?

if robertson's home should be struck with a vicious act of nature, i certainly hope that his god protects him through the storm, only to be trampled to death by the evolution parade. this fuckstick deserves less than i describe.

fond farewell?

let's see how much sticktoittiveness i'll have on this one, but i had an idea for my farewell note while i was driving back from pittsburgh today.

i'm going to write a couple different "dear john" memos (or whatever the hell you call company goodbye notes), ranging from "i'll miss you all" to "hopefully i won't miss many of you with my sniper rifle." it could be fun.

and as far as the follow-through on this? i should be able to do it. i think i've pretty much checked out at this point. i cared a bit last week b/c there was a big meeting coming up. but that came and went on thursday, so now i'm just hoping to drink my way through the week.

what a gyp

dumbass me. i was so excited because as a bachelor preparing effort, the wife got me a pack of gift certificates for free frostys at wendys. i thought...wow, very cool of the wife to recognize that i will eat nothing but shit for the 3 weeks i'm on my own. how kind of her. she not only recognizes, she's kind of endorsing it with these free coupons. the book has 10 coupons for me to use during the month of november...they're intended as halloween treats. well fuck that. its a fucking trick. i go there really jonsing for a little piece of chocalatey shake-like-yet-too-thick-for-a-straw heaven and i get a fucking shot of frosty. its fucking kid size. look at the picture below. aside from my hairy ass arm, you can easily see that my hand dwarfs the cup. i'm not a photoshop wizard. nor am i giant. that's real. fucking fuckwads.

sappy fuckheads

so, i'm driving into work today thinking about my farewell email. why the fuck is one compelled to send something like that out? is it obligatory to do so? did i really make enough of a mark on this fucking agency that i have to send out a note thanking everyone for the opportunities and whatnot? part of me wants to send a picture of the glass door to the lobby hitting my bare, hairy ass. that works as a farewell, doesn't it? but you know what...i bet the knuckleheads in our media department wouldn't even get the visual metaphor. so even that would be wasted.

yet, part me feels like i have to do it. its a rite of passage, i guess. i have several ideas (beside the ass thing) floating around. i guess i'm trying to figure out a way to send a juicy turd disguised as sincere honesty. i have phrases floating around in my head that i want to use, but am struggling with how to do it properly.

i'm sure that i'll do the "right thing" in the end. but it sure is fun to think up some crazy shit to say.

its funny that this post became a lambasting of the whole notion, because truth be told, i was feeling a bit mopey this morning as i was thinking about my impending departure. i guess that's what an afternoon of trying to distinguish a strategy from a shitstorm will do to you.

i guess i could always blame the mopey-ness on my meds. one of the warnings on the box reads "caution, patients with testicals can, and often do, go through periods of emotional distress. be sure to have skirts on hand on days when taking your shot."