sex on the brain

so i'm sitting in a meeting today. and i'm bored. i'm taking notes but it really doesn't matter. i just wanted to get out of it as quickly as i could.

fast-forward to 3 hours later and i turn back to the page of notes from that meeting. right at the top of the page, making up about a 2 inch block across the top - a masthead if you will - is giant one pair of doodled tits.

what the fuck is wrong with me? if i hadn't had a little nookie action in the recent past, i'd say that i was in the need of a good fuck. but that's not it. maybe it would be excusable if there was a hot chick in the room at the time. but no. we were talking about production budgets. what a fucking bore.

i do admit that i can draw a nice rack, though! if i can find a scanner, i'll post a pic shortly.

i'm famous. fuck yeah!

had an interesting experience tonight. i'm killing time while i wait for the formula water to cool down so that i can mix it (those reading with babies...you know. those reading w/out babies....fuck you. i used to go out 3-4 nights a week too). while waiting, i decided to google my new client from Worlds of Fun in KC. Turns out, he was in a band...which is what i'm looking for, but i can't find any links to that to save my life.

so after giving up, and for some reason deciding for once NOT to read some comic fan websites, i chose to google myself. quotes and all to make sure i get rid of all the unnecessary links to 3k results that we all know i didn't run.

and what did i find...my name is synonymous to snapperhead.

i thought for sure that my time i spent on the Scientology farm getting all those accreditations would negate my moronic ways. oh well. the public believes what it wants to believe.

this dad's a prick....

okay, so the title may be a misleading. i don't mean THIS dad, as in me (although i'm sure the wife and a few select indiciduals would beg to differ). i meant the "general dad" that would do this to his kid.

there was a time when i would think this was funny. hell, doing that to certain people would be funny. i could see doing something very similar to this to the wife. but your kid? come on. that's just cruel. that dad deserves to be hated by his kid for life.

the only thing worse i could imagine doing to a kid would be subjecting the little fucker to mind of mancia. where the fuck is my remote? he's a BEANER. oh...you're mexican. i get it. now get the fuck off my TV.

what crawled up your crack?

what the hell was in the air last night? apparently, while my wife and her mom went shopping for some gym clothes on sunday, they had a discussion on camel toes. i don't know what started it....maybe mom-in-law had one while trying on her new running shorts, maybe the fat-ass cashier sported the latest and greatest in vaginal wedgie. who knows.

what i do know is that while we were getting ready for dinner last night, the discussion came up again. and it was clear that mom-in-law simply wasn't getting it. apparently, she just thought the phrase in and of itself was funny. she even tried to push it a little further by saying camel tongue might be funnier. suze and i glanced at each other. what? by no means was she getting any idea of what the true meaning was since she tried to go there with it. we spent about five minutes dancing around it. for all the money in the world, i'm not going to describe outloud to my mother-in-law exactly what a camel toe is.

rather, after dinner, i march upstairs and google it. did you know that there are 6.5 MILLION sites with a reference to camel toes out there? who woulda thunk it.

even more, who would've known that i'd spend half an hour surfing ratemycameltoe.com with my wife's 65 year old mom.

nothing in my nutsack

for those of you that know me, i've recently found enjoyment in yogurt. well, if you count within the past year as recent. before, i used to think of yogurt as nothing other than maybe a cup of man goo with a little flavor sprinkled in. don't get me wrong, i love a cup of man goo as much as the next guy, i was of the mind that i simply wasn't going to put that crap in my mouth for breakfast.

but then i was tempted by the wife one night while she was eating some strawberry. she referenced it tasting like a strawberry shake, which i just happen to love. so what the hell. i dove in. i loved it. i maxed out strawberry over the next month and needed to move on to other flavors. i'm hooked. if not every day, at least 4-5 times a week type hooked. i can't get enough of it.

so i get excited when my brand, dannon light 'n fit, starts running a promotion to win shit. i'm 100% about winning shit, especially when i don't have to do much else than continue on my particular habits. so i rack up a couple weeks worth of lids - probably 9 in all - and venture to the website to enter.

what the fuck? i feel like i'm totally emasculated. what kind of prizes are those? a fucking manicure or flowers for 3rd place prizes? what the hell am i going to do with a new spring outfit? match the purse to my bowling shoes? oh wait - i get a new pair of shoes with that. damn it if i don't hate yogurt now.

so i take a week off from eating yogurt. and when i hop back on that train again this morning - like a dumbass i have to trek to the site to see if i won. what a schmuck i am.

maybe i wouldn't be complaining if i won something. i could use a day at the spa these days.